I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize