At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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