Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i need some magic done to my vagina
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
