we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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