I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
