Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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