Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
