dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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