that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
