Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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