That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
