what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
