Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
