sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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