I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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