Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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