Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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