Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
