in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize