I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
