apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
