the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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