My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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