he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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