that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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