yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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