I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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