so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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