Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
