i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
