her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Less talking, more tequila
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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