yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
