Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
