great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
