BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
