at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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