She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize