Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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