Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
