he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
