Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
