we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
