Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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