That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
