return my video game
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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