to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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