they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize