so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
