She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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