I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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