Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
True strength comes from lack of pants
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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