my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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