My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
