In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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