i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
