Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
