After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
