You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
