Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
as a side note pls kill me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
