mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize