i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
