the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
