Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
