not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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