Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
