He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
