The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
