weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
